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8. mars 2019

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.” ― Brené Brown

Hi again ♥ 

This blog has gotten so dusty. The last two years I have just not felt like sharing anything. I have been very much "in" myself, reflecting, meditating, reading A LOT! After some tough years I have needed to center myself. Find out what my needs are, how to get those needs met and finding a balance ♥

We have moved to a wonderful place. Where everything is on one level. So both my daughter and I can use more of the house. We live in nature now. The one thing our daughter has wanted for years. When we drove up to see the house, she made the most sweet sounds of joy! When she got out of the car she took the longest breathe. Like she inhaled the whole essence of the place. When she exhaled she just sighed and said - this is home! Mom I can smell nature! Mom smell the trees! Mom you know I am a nature kid! I said I know darling! Please mom can we pleeease move here?? So we have lived here now for over a year. It is an old house with a lot of soul. It feels like there has lived very kind people here. 

Daily we can hear or see animals. Moose, Hawks, Birds, Deer, Otter (!) yep he ran over the road! I even saw a Raven one night! Oh my it was amazing! It was chasing some seagulls on our rooftop! It was so close to me! Like a couple of car lengths away! We have a lot of birds and so much more! Our dog loooves living here! He is a lover not a fighter. Mooses comes all the way up to our porch and he just sits there tilting his head. 

One day when we were outside, we did not see that there was laying a moose between some trees by our lawn. Suddenly we could see a moose jumping OVER our dog Theo. He just stood still and let her jump right over him ♥ My sweetheart hubby loves it here too. He gets to see us so much more. No more stairs that stops us from being together. We love to snuggle up by the fireplace and just be together♥ We live a very quiet and peaceful life. We would of course love it to entail much more experiences but being really ill makes it more difficult. So a thing like sitting on the porch and feeling nature is a very strong and wonderful experience. Nothing gets taken for granted, nothing...

My need to be so quiet has also been because of my daughters and my own health. Finding the balance after the big turn when she got sick. It has taken me some time to find some normalcy in it. Especially with an illness like M.E. With so little treatments and knowledge. But I think right now we all know how to cope, deal as best as we can. So I feel I can start being creative again. I have tried now and again. But I have always been to enthusiastic and bit over too much. Or I have felt guilt for using my energy on only myself. Now I have learnt how to balance out the days. Before I could make an Art journal page in one sitting. Now I have to pace myself and do it over maybe ten sittings or even more. It can even take me a month for one Art Journal. But that is ok ♥ It is not about the result it is about enjoying being creative again.


Giving up has never been an option. I do not really understand giving up 😀 Then you have to start all over again. Taking a time out to regroup is fine, but there is always a way ♥ Also I truly believe suffering and hardship teaches us to process grief and loss in a very real way. There is no where to run or hide. If you try to run or not deal, it will just hit even harder. So what I have learnt most is how important it is to accept what is ♥ What is alive in us, accept what is happening right here and right now and taking mindful choices through that acceptance. Also knowing that life is not perfect, permanent or that we can control everything.

Living in the rich part of the world, we experience tons of privilege. That can fool us into believing that we are the masters of everything. I believe that is why we are missing a lot of language when someone gets sick. We are supposed to WIN over for example Cancer. But it has nothing to do with winning. But that is the narrative we have been used to. It is so much scarier to take in the whole situation. Or when someone is sick and it is chronic? How do we communicate with that person. Do we have the patience to keep being a friend when the person changes? Or does it get so scary, so we retreat and feel we are just bothering the person.


My hubby's best friend died a few years ago. He expressed such gratitude for my hubby still coming around. He said most friends disappeared when he got really ill. He could see their fear, their insecurities. I do not believe people stop caring, but I believe it is about not being able to relate to the person who is really sick. I have seen many of those scared faces myself. Especially when my daughter got sick. In a millisecond I could register fear on their faces. Every mom has this as her nightmare... Ones child gets really sick, there is no treatment that works.. what then?

So when my daughter just got worse, I did not have the language or capability to express that fear or grief to friends and family. I instead started comforting and trying to ease their fears. Instead of saying what I needed. I just retreated to making sure my daughter got the best care we could get her and stabilizing her life as good as we could. Also taking care of our own mental and physical health so we could be there for our daughter.

It is okay to not be okay! I was afraid if I seemed insecure and fearful , then my daughter would not get the best care. I know that sounds weird but it is about seeing to that my daughter gets what she needs. It is about her not about me, if that makes sense? When your child is diagnosed with an illness that carries so much stigma. It hits even harder. The uncertainty, the not knowing, the feeling of not having sufficient healthcare for ones child.. is.. I still do not have the words for it. That means I really have to have my own stuff together. It is about being responsible, and being very truthful about what is alive in me and what my needs are. So I see to that my daughter gets what she needs. If I don't deal, than that will be put on her shoulders. That I will not do.

Right now while I am writing I hear her giggling to an episode of Friends ♥ Hearing her enjoying the moment just fills me with so much gratitude. She knows how to be present and enjoy the here and now♥ She has such compassion, empathy, knowledge and patience that she takes my breath away ♥ I tell her every day that she enough, that I love every minute with her. She is so funny to! She can make me laugh so hard! Sigh ♥ So suffering, illness and challenges are what they are. How we choose to deal with them; well that will either bring some kind of calmness or it can bring more suffering.... I think we as a family has the last 6 years learnt a lot about how to mindfully accept what comes our way ♥


And that.. I am grateful for.

Love and light to you all ♥

24. september 2016

Art enables us to find ourselves & to loose ourselves at the same time. ~ Thomas Merton

Hello again ♥ As I wrote last time I still have some stuff to share in my blog. Nothing "new" really, but new on my blog ;)
Today I want to share some ATC's and Tag's from a wonderful Challenge group on Facebook called ArJo's Tag og ATC kos. Every month they put up a challenge to keep the creative juices flowing. Not everyone has so much time to be creative. But to make 3 ATC's or a Tag, most of us can manage. Since my illness is kinda greedy at times :P and takes most of my energy. This challenge group is perfect for me. I can create some minutes here and there. So I can feel a little tingle of creativity at least once in a while ;) The girl's (Arnlaug  and Jorunn) who run it are amazing, and make's everyone feel so welcome and at ease. It is now an international group. They also have guest designers giving us a monthly Challenge. 
Last month Riikka Kovasin was the guest designer. I got so inspired that I went all in ♥ Just ask my best friend Jorunn how much I love Riikka's art and creations ♥ I noticed her because another good friend of mine told me to check out her blog. I bet Riikka has inspired so many creative people ♥ 

Well enough chit chat lol! Here are what I have made of ATC's and Tags in this group. So fun to make them all ♥

 This ATC challenge was a step by step. It was so fun! 

These in black I made for Riikka's challenge.


The Tags were wonderful to create. Remember these three got my mojo for creating back after not visiting my creative space in a long time. No wonder I love this group ♥


I had so much to say last time, so this time I am more to the point lol! But be warned next time there will be a hearty blog post. I am going to write about kindness... I had to make a simple Art Journal about it. I like to write down my thoughts and feelings, and then paint over it.. kinda like getting it out and transforming it to something with hope and tranquility ♥ 

Hope you all are safe and having a good weekend in every way ♥ Now I am going to paint a little bit before it is nighty night. Take care! More rambling and sharing to come ;) 

21. september 2016

With empathy, I'm fully with them, and not full of them - that's sympathy ~ Marshall Rosenberg

Hi again, long time no see! Well better than the last gap in my blogging. I have been thinking a lot the last couple of months...

There has been hard hits in my private life for 3 years. It got to a point were I had to strip down everything to find my needs. When life gives you a busload of lemon's - you gotta deal. I had to sort out so many feelings and find the needs that were not met.  I am not afraid of feelings (thankfully!) I know they have some message or something I need to deal with.

Without spilling my guts out, I can say this. I had to accept that I could not control being sick or my daughter being sick. I only can do my best. As a woman I am the type that blames myself. One innocent example... when I went to a doctor several years ago. The doctor well hmmm I want to express this without judgement- he just was not in a place of non judgement himself :D . He did not have the time to listen and his reluctance to listen, made me feel ashamed. That it was probably because I said something wrong, or I even gave him a pass that he probably had a hard day. It was an innocent example. But when you start giving freebies were your own boundaries are being violated. I had to deal. With who or why is not important. But I needed to say no thank you! I do not want this. I have always felt shame if I was not the nice and good girl. I bet alooot of girls know this feeling. We are supposed to be soft, kind, generous, unselfish and give up our own needs for those we love. In Brene Browns book on empathy I read with such a reverberation. She was writing about me. In men shame is triggered often by feeling weak or not successful enough.. I feel my life has had a big change, when our daughter got sick. It is like our life before she got sick and the life after. No one is prepared for such a situation. Also when the illness has no clear treatment and the expertise in the health profession is slim. It is a rare illness, which means... so few understands. I get that, I understand that... but it is hard. At times it's a very lonely path...



Scrapbooking became something foreign and so painful. It was hard to scrapbook pictures from when she was healthy and active. It was hard to allow myself to think about anything but just right now. But isn't that how we are in crises? We try to survive the best we can. We do not know when she will be cured or get better. But I do believe it is important to enjoy every moment what ever the challenges are. If we would focus on what SHOULD have been, instead of focusing on what is RIGHT here right now... we would miss precious moments and important lessons ♥ Putting premises on life does not work in the long run. It just creates a lot of suffering. Everyone has value even though they are sick. They are still them ♥ But our society is so focused on what we DO, were we are supposed to go in life. So we do not have any practice in how to deal with illness or the "not mainstream". It is not that people don't care, they just do not know how to deal with it. I get that with such empathy ♥. I have seen others fear or insecurity when they have talked to me about our daughter being sick. They are so scared of saying something "wrong". I so want to just hug them and say, it't ok. I see you are trying your best to contribute in some way ♥


What are you going to be when you grow up is a regular question to kids and young people get. I have said many times - I am going to be thankful for life, grateful for what life brings and I am going to be me ;) Life is so precious, it is so variable. There will be hard times, there will be nice times... nothing is permanent. I really love everyday life. With routines, chores and other activities ♥ That is living, contributing and engagement ♥  So you healthy people, enjoy even the struggle to get the schedule to go up, or driving your kid to practice or so on. It will bring precious memories later ♥ 


So I am trying my voice again. I am in a place were I accept what is right now. I accept what I can do something about and what I have to remember patience with... I think fear and the heaviness of our situation has made me just freeze up. But better to work on what is alive in me, than to run away from it or ignore it, right? It is ok not to be ok all the time too, right?! ♥ I have been a little creative from time to time. Did you see the images lol!? The clean and simple card was for my goddaughtes confirmation. Using the amazing products from Papirdesign. The canvas I just played around with a rhubarb leaf and Brusho + water. Let it dry, then I stamped with paint using the same rhubarb leaf. The last finishing touch was silver leafing.
Thank's for stopping by, and also for you guys who read my rambling. I just had to express it in my blog. Because life happens, nothing to be ashamed about, nothing to create drama out of either. But acceptance with a good dose of empathy for one self and our loved ones. It helps a lot ♥


Believe it or not, there will be more postings.... maybe even next week! Wow right hahaha! I have some stuff that could be added here to my creative blog. So maybe I will get around to it next week. Fingers crossed lol!
Hope you all have a great day where ever you are and what ever you do ♥ One love ♥ Be kind to yourself and others. Everyone is doing the best they can ♥

6. juli 2016

Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but its your choice to scream or enjoy the ride ♥

It is incredible, but it is almost a year since I have updated my blog. I don't want to give it up. I have accepted I am not one of those who can blog on a regular basis. That has to just be ok ♥ right? The blog is some of my creative journey. But sometimes I forget that I can share that journey :D

Life comes first, family comes first and health comes first ;) I am still a creative soul and have so much I want to make and express. It just has to come second and third most of the days now. Creativity is in my core being - it opened me so much up to being-ness♥ . I still create, get inspired and feel more and more connection to life. By just being and accepting what life is right here and right now ♥

The last years have truly been a roller coaster for my family. At times I have frozen in fear, other times I have cried thankful tears. But most of all I have felt such gratefulness for the ability to adapt. The ability to learn, to feel grateful - even at the darkest of times.....Meditation, good friends, family and a solid support system. Has really made me believe in good in all of us.

Our true nature is to help ♥ each other I think. To connect and give each other compassion, empathy and trust. Through the suffering there has surfaced so many answers. The knowledge that resisting suffering or resisting to adapt - is like building a wall around ones own spirit or the loved ones around us. That fear can lead to disconnect. Though fear is important for survival. Fear can also be a destructive force if not kept in check ;) Being truly honest with an open heart filled with gratitude and empathy. It gives such peace and freedom. Even at the most troubling times. It also gives such strong ways to communicate in a compassionate way.



I read Marshall Rosenberg several years ago, and I am still learning. How to communicate in a non violent compassionate way. Listening to someones needs instead of listening to give a response. Knowing that empathy brings connection and deep understanding. Brene Brown who gave me such an understanding in what Empathy is. How important self empathy is ♥ When there is harmony on the inside, it will reflect on the outside.

The last years have taught me nothing is permanent, nothing is to be taken for granted and to enjoy every minute with loved ones ♥ Life is precious ♥


Between my rambling you have probably noticed the pictures lol! It is of a canvas I made for my goddaughter. It is from the lyrics of Thousand Foot Krutch - Bring me to life. It is one of her favorite songs. I captured a piece of the lyrics and made a stencil out of it with my Silhouette Cameo. Then worked in layers with Molding Paste, paints and also Gold foil and other mediums. Her favorite color is purple, and to make the gold really reflect and pop. I went pretty dark in some parts of the canvas. I made it also like this, so when it is in a dark room; -the gold letters will reflect and express themselves ♥



Hope you like it, also I hope you are having a beautiful day ♥





Maybe I will be in the zone to share some more this summer, time will tell ♥ Have an amazing summer everyone! 

Love and light to you all - best wishes from Linn ♥

15. august 2015

Art Journal with no words..

Often my Art Journals do not take much time. Most of the time it is just an hour of fun to play. But this one, I truly needed to go deep. Both deep in my soul but also deep in layers and pushing my boundaries. I felt truly the need to reconnect with myself in a way...

I have no formal training of any kind in painting, drawing or art in general. So it is all through trial and error. I do sketch some in a book I have. But drawing and painting things that may resemble something real; I find kinda scary lol! Making abstract things, is in some ways easier. Not always but sometimes.. so well.. this is my practice on drawing and painting an eye.

My energy levels have been truly on the low side that last couple of weeks. So this page has been done, with many many sittings. Ten minutes here and there, layer upon layer.. I could still keep going for more details and seeing if there is more to do. But I also need to learn to let go and trust that it is good enough as it is ♥

Hope you like it ♥

 
The picture is not the best. I have gotten some dust on my camera's inner shell (?) where the mirror is. So I got to get a can of air to clean it up. So all my picture get kinda grungy and not clear. But it will have to do for now ♥

I have used a lot of different kinds of paints, mediums and pens. I even got my H2O's in action again! So fuuun! I have used both acrylics and different kinds of watercolors (mixed with airbrush medium instead of water) Some homemade stencils also got some playtime ♥ 

Trying to paint some kind of tears, lol. Need some more practice! Also drawing eyelashes, gosh golly they are not the easiest to draw!! 

Well that was all I had to show you today. Have a wonderful Saturday, where ever you are in the world ♥ Love and light to you all ♥

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